1. The Marine with no filter.
“I work at a fairly large law firm, and at at our last holiday party, my coworker’s boyfriend had a little too much to drink. He told everyone, literally everyone, including all of the firm partners, about her explosive diarrhea in graphic detail. He was a Marine and compared her bathroom to the toilet trenches of war-torn Afghanistan. To make matters worse, on his way out, he proceeded to tell all of our coworkers of color that he ‘was no longer a racist’.”
2. The peel-and-eat shrimp incident.
“It wasn’t me, but a friend of mine pregamed for our company holiday party. By the time we got there, she could barely stand. My husband and I were standing with her to try and keep her up when she grabbed a handful of peel-and-eat shrimp, shoved a couple of them in her mouth (without peeling), and made a face. My husband gestured toward her to try and help and she spit the glob of unpeeled shrimp in his hand. He just looked at me and sarcastically said, ‘Your friends are great.’”
3. The company owner who really wanted to get to know his employees.
“Several years ago, I was at the company Christmas blow out. It was always a huge deal, with no expense spared, and no significant others. Industry standard recipe for mischief. Late in the evening, I found the owner of the company (whose name is on the building) and asked him to dance. Yeah, I had kind of a hero worship crush on the man and was pretty liquored up. Moments later, we’re slow dancing very close and hot. One of his hands was on the small of my back and the other one was in my hair. Hot and totally inappropriate. We were this close to making out right there. The next thing I knew, the head of HR grabbed his arm, pulled him away from me, and physically dragged him out of the party. Oh well.”
4. The truly hypnotizing makeout.
“When I was in college, I worked at a chain grocery store. We all partied together all the time; switching partners was like exchanging friendship bracelets in second grade. I had been crushing on an assistant manager who had a girlfriend for a while. For our Christmas party, they bused us all out to a gorgeous lodge. I then got very drunk and was hypnotized as part of a show. While hypnotized to believe that my underwear was shrinking, I removed my bra while keeping my sweater on and proceeded to throw it in front of all my bosses and coworkers. Half a bottle of vodka later, I was busted making out with my assistant manager crush in a janitor’s closet while I was sitting in the sink topless. For weeks after the party, the assistant manager couldn’t even look at me.”
5. The TMI coworker.
“A coworker got so blitzed that she regaled a few of us with her past escapades in wife swapping. File that under ‘things I never want to know about a coworker’.”
6. The drunk gymnastics fail.
“I decided to brag about my past as a gymnast, then proceeded to do a backflip in the office lobby. Woke up with rug burn on my forehead. Yeah…”
7. The wannabe acrobat.
“We were at the new guy’s house for the party because that was tradition for some reason. He had a split-level house, and someone thought it would be a good idea to try to swing from the balcony onto the table in the living room. It was a bad idea. Someone broke the table and half of the balcony fell off the wall. We then found out that it was, in fact, his mother’s house. She was just out for the weekend.”
8. The fart heard ‘round the office.
“I went to the office Christmas party the first year on the job and, while in line for the food, farted so loudly in front of one of the office managers that I just dropped my plate and left. No one ever said anything to me.”
9. The new employee who really made a splash.
“I had only been with my new company for a few months and our party was at a bar, so I dressed in a new body-con dress and platform heels. Turns out, I was literally the only person there who was single, and the rest of them were all considerably more conservative in their outfits. The highlight was having to go onstage to get a certificate they give to all new employees at their first Christmas party. I snuck out after with my coat and a shred of dignity. I thought I had gotten away with it — until I found out the next Monday that my name was drawn for the large TV raffle prize at the end of the night, so EVERYONE knew I was gone, and they gave the prize to the next name.”
10. The barfing plus-one.
“I used to work for a high-end fashion brand in the U.K., and every year, they held a Christmas party at a swanky locale in London. I brought my boyfriend; we got dressed to the nines and all my colleagues and their significant others went to the event in a party van. It was beautiful and luxurious and full of important people, so clearly, my boyfriend thought it was the perfect place to take copious amounts of shots and get really drunk. He got so drunk that, on the van ride back, he passed out and vomited, numerous times, all over the floor. Because we were in a moving vehicle, his vomit spread around with each bump and turn, eventually splashing on my colleague’s designer shoes. Guess who had to clean up the mess, which had covered the majority of the van, when our journey ended? Me. Side note: We are no longer together.
11. The puke-filled purse.
“I went to our company after-party at a bar and our district manager bought us LOTS of shots. Being young and broke at the time, I took as many as I could. I knew I was going to throw up, so a coworker and I grabbed a cab to go home. I was right around the corner from home when I realized was going to puke and there was no time to ask to pull over. I opened my purse and threw up in there. The next morning, I got a call from a guy I worked with. Turns out the co-worker I had shared a ride with told EVERYONE about it. To this day (15 years later), people still mention it.”
12. The holiday party that ended all other holiday parties.
“They stopped our parties because two coworkers got drunk and wanted to fight in the parking lot. The sales secretary, also drunk, was offering to show her boobs to people on the dance floor.”
13. The party that led to a promotion.
“My friend’s sister got promoted after an office Christmas party because her very drunk boss managed to puke all over her then laugh at himself. She told him the next day and his response was about the lines of, ‘Oh my goodness I am extremely sorry, would a promotion help? I’ll buy you a new dress, too.’ She ended up working for him for a while.”
14. The sort-of swingers’ table.
“I went to a company Christmas party with my boyfriend in this really nice hotel in the mountains. It was a fancy dinner and open bar, and we were seated at the ‘young people’ table. Another couple and a few singles were placed with us. One lady got so drunk she started making out with one of the singles on the dance floor while her boyfriend sat at the table and saw the whole thing. No one was very chatty in the morning.”
15. The hat-grab that should never have happened.
“When I was 22, I worked at a local rib restaurant. At our Christmas party, everyone was drinking and having a good time. One of the cooks was wearing a hat and I playfully grabbed it and put it on. My manager’s wife was standing with us and she grabbed the hat from me and put it on. Thinking we were playing a silly game, I grabbed it back. She promptly slapped me across the face. It was my first time meeting her and also my first (and only) face slap. My manager avoided me for my next two shifts before he pulled me in the office to apologize.”
16. The boss that just wanted to have a good time.
“My friend was was at work and not feeling so hot on the day of the office Christmas party, so she went to a quiet room they had and took a nap. She overslept the beginning of the party, and woke up to people having sex on the couch in the same room (they didn’t see that she was in there). She realized it was her male boss and another woman… both married to different people. She awkwardly laid there until they finished.”
17. And this other good-time boss.
“I worked in retail, and one year my boss decided we needed to have a Christmas party. Long story short, I saw my boss naked, having sex with two of my coworkers.”